Today my husband and I set out on a weekend escape seeking silence.
Silence was a space I spent most of my adult life avoiding. I now know why. I was avoiding the pain of the moment I finally heard my thoughts tell me this path I was walking wasn’t enough and it wasn’t right for me. I knew if I didn’t put mountains of hurdles and noise in front of that voice it might be able to speak to me so clearly I couldn’t avoid it anymore. Maybe that is why mountains always seem to be the silent spaces I seek. Is it possible their physical existence relieve the need for mental ones to exist?
Looking back on my life the silent spaces delicately led me to the deepest discoveries. I was avoiding silence when it came to me but not when it came to others. The ability to sit comfortably in silence with my husband was the first signal that this was the right place for me forever. Silence again guided me as a mother on a path I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to go down. The silent moments looking at the life I had created moments before she woke up would create energy and love that would power me past a million morning feedings and unsure steps. Silence ushured me past my anger and resentment at a conference built to change my life. The entire arena didn’t go silent I did. Silence brought me the ability to finally come to terms with and release the person I was told I should be for the first time in my life. Silence has always guided me beautifully to reality and growth. Maybe that is why I spent so much time avoiding it. I knew it’s power and I wasn’t ready to fully embrace the power I might find in myself.
Here is what I know now. Seeking silence is the ability to look inward until you find you and the voice you have been hoping hear. I am forever more done avoiding silence.
I am can be found seeking silence forevermore.
Hanna Nuss 