The Great Resignation Or Realization?

It was as if time stood still for the first time in my adult life.

I had rushed into the American dream so fluent and flawless it was as if I mastered what it was to be an adult before most. I felt established. I felt accomplished. I felt like all of what was promised I had achieved.

Still, I had this sneaking suspicion that there was more than this pace could ever satisfy.

The pandemic forced my hand at my first experience relief from the expected pace of the American dream. I knew that I had bills to pay immediately after graduation, so I got to work. The crushing reality of payment for an education for which I may never be reimbursed. I started work with the feeling of always holding my breath. Hoping someday I would catch it…my breath which always seemed to be one promotion away. I was thirty-two a not-so-normal age to be experiencing this “midlife” crisis but here I was. As time stood still for a second I began to reflect on how many mornings I spent rushing my children through unsure emotions. How many mornings I had sent them to school with empty bellies and uncombed hair. How many mornings I had cussed my way through drop-off lines and rushed goodbyes. For the first time ever I got to feel what it felt like to fully love my children, my spouse, my home, my life, and my myself.
For the first time since childhood, I got to see myself…

I got to experience my life again with my breath behind it.

That was when reality set in. I had spent my entire adulthood racing from one thing to the next. Only to be made worse by having children. Out of breath and out of time. Never fully anywhere in life. The pace was a demand that I gladly accepted because those were the terms of agreement of the “American dream”. The slow down of the pandemic was what made me reflect for the first time ever about what the rush was about. I was sacrificing everything I cared about in this world to get a promotion at the end of the year. To someday be at the top of the food chain. To prove my worth in hopes of getting a raise. For money, I certainly didn’t need. Money that would lend itself to an expectation of an even faster pace. Money that would lend itself to more wants. Money that would guarantee my addiction to the pace. More money to pay for more dance classes which I couldn’t attend, more money to pay for the soccer, games at which I would spend on the phone, to buy more toys (that my kids didn’t have time to play with) than last year at Christmas…it wasn’t ever going to be enough.

The pace was unrelenting and the success was upon review unsatisfying.

When you slow it all down for a second you might just begin to see.
When you slow it all down for months you might just begin to breathe.

I had lost myself in the pace that had promised to pay off. It was supposed to be getting better. The next job was going to promise more freedom and more money and regardless of that being true it always came with a higher pace and production. The great resignation isn’t about corporations as much as it is about people finally getting a chance to breathe and actually enjoying that experience.

For the first time, American people finally got their breath back.

So you can’t have my breath back America for the “dream” is not as it seems.

Water & words.

Water renews and rushes over me like life.

Cascading from source water ignites my mind. Words rush with it as if they are one. The words flow with the water. Dancing like droplets.

Rain comes.

Words flow.

Making me all the more uncertain.

Were the words waiting on the water? Or was the water waiting on the words?

Or were they both just waiting on me…

Patience cures anger.

It is going to take a lot of patience to build the principles and person required to live out your dreams. If it all happened today do you have strong enough habits and principles in place to hold on to it for long? Have you healed from those limiting beliefs enough to step on stage and get in the zone? Are you at the full power required to keep the dream sequence alive? Probably, but how long would it last? Yet, we sit in anger for not having “made it.” Patience is the opposite of anger and the solution. Commit to building the person who can sustain the dream.
Build over time.
Patience cures anger.
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Change the world, Hanna

Trust the pace.

So we walk hand in hand.

We walk instead of running.

We know the empire is coming.

So today we walk.

Taking up the space of this moment. Hold it. Console it.

Soon the race will require fast pace. Proceeding those moments with sweet memories of the good ‘ole days. The memory of sweet serenity. Where walking was all that was necessary.

Trusting oneself and the timing. Divine.

Greatness Grounding

I read the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg in 2017. At that point in time, I was a head volleyball coach at a local high school. I was responsible for 100 plus female student-athletes. I read a chapter in the book that was about how women get passed over for the next level positions because they struggle to speak highly of themselves. STOP. The second I read that I recalled my last interview for a director position at my day job. I remembered talking the entire time about the team and how much they had helped me and held only a sliver of time for speaking about me and what I had done. I was unexpectedly turned down for that job. I wish turned down was how it worked. I never heard that I didn’t get it until I had to work on the press release for the man who did. Still haven’t heard back…But recalling that experience as fresh as it was in my mind made me realize this work is IMPERATIVE. I am a confident woman in this world and I struggled with it. YIKES. Imagine what my female athletes will be up against when they venture into this lovely world of ours. After reading that chapter I sent this email to my entire coaching staff: I read in a book that women are 70% (maybe more I just saw red after reading this) more likely than men to get turned down for high-level positions because they lack the ability to confidently speak about their accomplishments. I cannot sit here as a leader of females and allow this to happen without doing something. Here is what we are going to do: Every day from here on out you collect your student-athletes before practice/games and one by one make them own and speak to one great thing they have accomplished. As I told the athletes on the varsity team about this I endured the eye rolls and moved on. “We are doing this,” I said. “I can’t sit here and allow this to happen to anyone I am responsible for arming you to take on this world.” Slowly but surely it became a part of who we were and days when I would miss the grounding practice the athletes would remind me. Over time the girls came in bubbling with excitement to do this work. What was to follow was unexpected. In 2016 our team had made it to the state final only to come up one win short of bringing home the school’s first volleyball state title. I knew we were good enough but being good enough wasn’t what wins. Believing you are good enough wins and I could tell by the end of that last game in 2016 THAT was the issue. Now that is a tall tree to climb. How do you grow confidence in young female athletes? I didn’t know either. Either way, we couldn’t just avoid that work because it was hard. Now we did a lot of work around the building of the confidence but I believe still to this day greatness grounding even on days when it was silly, grew our confidence to the point that in 2017 we would go on to win the first volleyball state championship in school history. I use the lessons I learned coaching these athletes to inform the importance of this work. Greatness grounding will always be apart of what I do. I can thank my amazing group of athletes for responding to it and continuing the work around it to make it what it is today! How to implement greatness grounding in your life to grow your confidence:

  1. Verbalize that you need to believe you are GREAT not just good
  2. Take time every day to say and own something GREAT you accomplished that day
  3. Grow a greatness group you can share this with or do it on your own BUT DO IT!

In making this a habit you start to shift your mind to look for the GREAT instead of as we naturally do, look for the negatives. The more you validate greatness, the easier it gets and the more you grow your confidence in speaking to your greatness. The more you do it, the more your skillset to speak to it when called on grows…like in that next interview.

Self-Reflection

I wanted to blame the world for a very long time for what I was being sent…The truth is I was the attracting my exact reflection. I didn’t want to believe it but I couldn’t attract the people, situations, and networks I wanted because I wasn’t that person yet, not even close. At that point in my life I didn’t believe I was worthy of those people or places. It would be a very long journey to a place of acceptance. Meaning, three weeks ago I would begin to accept that this life was meant for me. Maybe I am weird but I have an exact picture in my mind of the people and places I will be surrounded by in my life. Unfortunately, that picture and my reality were two very separate things. Do not get me wrong, I had been sent beautiful people in my life some of whom had to leave me because my vibe was bad for them. That is the hard part. As you begin to level up or down in life you begin to attract not only new people matching that vibe as well as test people to see if you will go back. I was doing a self assessment of my attraction and was grossed out because I was still attracting some bad people. I then realized none of those people stuck. They were one offs. As long as I passed the test they fell away pretty easily. The ones meant to stick kept coming back.

All this to say, you can’t want something you are not willing to become. For my network to change I had to embody what I wanted to become not just spitefully wish for it. You reflect what you are. 

Look around. 

Do you like what you are reflecting or is it time to change?

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Change the world, Hanna

The light rises.

Though clouds of smoke plume with chalky darkness billowing from the corner of the room inciting terror.

The light rises.

As soon as I am sure I will be consumed.

The light rises.

While the smoke shows weakness and error in how it presents creating light shadows that are penetrable.

The light rises.

The smoke though strong, dark and vengfull enraged with certain defeat it bears weakness.

The light rises.

I lay there no longer in fear for the light is rising from me. I see it come up out of me.

The light rises.

Unlike the smoke which plumes and fills space unevenly. The light resurrects itself free from shadow.

The light rises.

In a steady line the light faces the darkness.

I do not stay for the defeat. I watch without goal of victor. The victory was won. The light is me and…

The light rises.

My word for 2021.

Last year my word came to me “easily.” My word was Intention. The past year I made whole, intentional decisions based on what I was feeling for the first time since I was a child. It was a year of nursing that innate ability back to health.

Part of that nursing looked like opening up spiritually. So true to my path as of late I asked the higher powers at play for guidance on my word for 2021. I said show it to me. I know you can. As I lay there meditating I am brought to a place where my dreams are happening right in front of me. Playing out as if everything had happened and I had “arrived.” When I came out of my meditation I was like, ” really? I didn’t ask for my dreams I asked for a word.”

The next day I set my intention to ask once again for my word. I transcend into my meditative state and I am warmly welcomed walking through the highlight reel of all of my dreams coming true. I come to again and once again am disappointed. I say, “come on I am asking for a word.” I look around as if I am not connecting right. I am pretty new to this so I assume I am not doing it right. So I start searching the world for the words.

This morning I skip meditating. I say to myself my ask is being misunderstood. I must not understand this spirituality thing yet… I keep searching for the word. I look everywhere. I bounce around words like abundance, believe, accept, create, trust and almost settle on expansion but none of them feel quite right. I keep checking different outlets for the word to find me. Nothing. Trust and believe are close but too superficial to ring true.

Close but not quite it.

I wrap my podcast speaking about the idea of believing without exception. I start to realize that every attempt at my dream life rang out with a common disclaimer protecting me from the full acceptance that I deserve the life I dream of. I realize for the first time that mentally I was not putting receiving energy into anything outside of my reach and that energy was returned in full. At that point I sit back and realize what I was being promised. I didn’t need to be given a word. I was given proof and permission to give credence to the life I want.

I have fought every single day to get to this place. This place where everything is possible. Telling myself that and truly believing it are far from close. Mentally this has been the hardest submission.

Credence – mental acceptance as true or real

The pursuit of perfection in a relationship.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

We had been shopping for the “perfect” engagement ring for about three months. We had a bunch of jewelry stores that had said they would custom make anything we could describe. We knew that was likely going to cost us more than the basically zero dollar budget we were shopping with and the perfect ring was not something that could be described even if we had the budget. So we just had to keep looking. Then one day, seemingly hopeless in our search we stumbled into a small locally owned jewelry store. It was the same as most of the stores. We had tried on a few and after not falling in love with anything they start talking about customization. The sales person noticed our disinterest and told us she was going to go back to the safe. We had heard this before. When she left I leaned over to Jordan and whispered, “let’s get out of here.” She came back with what we certainly expected to be another round of disappointing rings. She showed me the first one and as I was putting it on Jordan rips the other ring she had our of her hand. He was pumped and exclaimed, “I can’t believe this exists.” This ended up being the perfect ring. For more reasons than just the look.

The next time I would see this ring I realize why everything worked out. The ring specifically the center diamond was imperfect. It had flecks in the big center stone. For a very long time I would try to avoid anyone seeing these imperfections. Because well that it what we are taught. Hide the imperfections at all costs. Everything in life should be shiny and perfect right? What happens if people would see the imperfections of what we actually had?

Its so funny we strive for that in our union because even in our original vows we promise and speak to imperfections and yet constantly find ourselves hurt when we realize life without doesn’t exist. No matter how hard we try to promote our life as different it isn’t and won’t be.

Maybe yours (like mine) sounded similar to this: To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.

There it is the promise of love with imperfection. So why did I fear the imperfect stone and an imperfect marriage? For me it was probably the fact that the imperfections are just less cheer worthy, right? No one talks about how to survive the for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, the in sickness and in health part. Yet, always find ourselves readily talking about the better, the perfect stones, the shiny rings, the white dresses, the babies and the vacations. For a very long time I thought I would make a goal to replace this imperfect stone. Now that I look back happily on my journey this point I realize how beautiful this imperfect stone is and what a beautiful and constant reminder.

This stone is a commitment to the imperfect just like we did the day we said those vows. Maybe that day we started communicating the first side of the vows, the better, the richer, the health but started living the worse, the poorer and the sickness. I now know that is beauty to be had in all the sides of your relationship and striving to only experience the first side of the vows or the diamond without imperfection is where the pain comes.

We have to acknowledge and accept that relationships come with imperfection. I believe the sadness comes with the promotion of what we believe to be “right.” Most moments are going to play on both sides. Usually behind the bright shiny family photo is a path of destruction to get there. While it is fine to exist in the bright and shiny and post the happy moments we have to stop ignoring the sad ones that forced us to find the strength we didn’t know we had to climb stairs to the next happy moment. While in life we strive for perfection maybe today we start committing to the imperfection we promised each other on day one.

Relationships exist in the imperfections. Hoping it will exist without is like finding diamond with no imperfections. Every diamond has an imperfection. The stones are usually cut to cover these. You or your significant other likely sat with the ring under a microscope to exam the diamond (we didn’t but we were stupid diamond buyers) and during that moment the jeweler likely showed the imperfections and also showed and talked about how they were covered up and most people won’t be able to see them. Maybe that is why we use them to commit to one another. It is an example of how we will live in our committed relationship. Imperfect but forever trying to cover that up.

Today I think we all take a step and appreciate the imperfect stones we don on our left hands for they are an example of the imperfect life we promised each other. A world where a blessing can still be a surprise and a smile can be covering up choked back tears. And we all stop trying to only live in a world that doesn’t exist with a flawless stone and a perfect life.

The world isn’t as bright and shiny as we fake it out to be.

Still struggling with limiting beliefs even though you have done all the work to overcome them?

I used to think I had to solution to overcome limiting beliefs. What I am finding as I continue on this self growth journey is that you will never overcome them. Jeesh, how motivational…right? They will always come back up. True to my story they seem to come up at the most opportune times…usually right before I am about to level up. You know the exact moment you need them the least.

This is what I know now having weathered the storm of recognizing my own limiting beliefs, healing and writing a new narrative around them, they grow and evolve as you do. They may change slightly and you may get new ones but at the core you will always find those OG limiting beliefs. Somehow they always find a new way to show up and stop you. So what do we do? How do we find a new place with our limiting beliefs?

After two years researching and learning as much as I could about how someone dreams. I find limiting beliefs to be one of the biggest hurdles. They are closely related to narratives you tell yourself about who you are. Since you will never outrun them here is what you can do to start to work towards a better place managing their existence.

Five Steps to Start Owning Your Limiting Beliefs

  1. Explore the Origin Source – Trace your steps all the way back to the place your limiting belief originated.
  2. Write a New Narrative – Now that we established we don’t want to believe that limit we can write what we would like to believe instead and start the work to shift that belief.
  3. Develop Habits for Proof – Tricking you mind with quotes only works for so long. Eventually your mind will require proof of the shift. So start the work developing the proof through good habits that support your new narrative writing.
  4. Pay Attention to Triggering Activities – They aren’t going away so start paying attention to what triggers your limiting beliefs. Write down when, where, how you felt, and what took you over the edge. Paying attention to the activity will start to show you a pattern.
  5. Develop a Game Plan – Once you understand your triggers work on how you will rescue yourself when they come up. What works for you is unique but you can start testing what works as you uncover your triggers and explore solutions.

This is what helped me what has worked for you?