Maybe there is a limit.

I am an avid pusher of my mindset.

With that being said even with all the head work I do the fear creeps in. This isn’t regular fear and I refuse to just end with rah! rah! we are all in this together I have fear too message. I will explain what that looks like for me right now.

For awhile I have been living in this bubble. I am happy here. It is comfortable. I am challenged but not pushing. I am sitting here in this moment wondering why? The fear is sitting in the unknown. What I know right now is that more people are listening to my work = win. What I do not know is if that is a good number of people aka important enough number of people and reviews to be valued somewhere. Fear of finding out has been holding me still. The next fear moment lies here. I am writing a book. This book is basically done. I have to pitch said book and like the podcast I will find out if I am good enough. If I am not good enough will have the strength to keep going for no? Part of me wants to just stay in fear forever never knowing. Most parts of me today were convincing me to go back to a regular job and give this up. I wish that I could say I was fearless but I am not (no one is). I have done so much and I am now wondering if my mind has climbed too many mountains. Maybe it is only conditioned for so much. Maybe I have maxed it out.

This isn’t a problem in the grand scheme of problems in this world but for me this is earth shattering. I have to move to this new place. I have to push past the fear for now I am sitting stagnant and I need to move soon. I don’t know what will push me but I hope this allows you to see that sometimes nothing is enough. I have to enlist all the resources. More often then not it is calling in the back up to the back up. Because there are just days, weeks, months and years when the fear seems too loaded to overcome and move past. I am sitting here with myself and if you are here too welcome. I hope we move past this.